we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
