All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If that was your dad, he is hot
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
