i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
