I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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