Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
