Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ketchup is God's man juice
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
