Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
