i was born a porn star she said
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
