My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
