i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
