He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
do herpes really smell.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
