Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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