i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
