This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have feelings that need drinking.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
