I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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