I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
