whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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