I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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