During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
