R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
