So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
