hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
