You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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