I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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