Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
