All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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