Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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