Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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