OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
