Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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