my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
