I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
