Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
