just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
