i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
