i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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