does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
