Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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