omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
