I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
