Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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