I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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