Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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