The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
