this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We are two peas in an std pod
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
