Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
