I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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