its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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