I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
