Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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