i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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