Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
