we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
