Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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