I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
