Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
