but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
