every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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